“Love is the ocean. It is the tides rushing to shore for safety in each individual grain of sand. It is the individual who dares to ride each tidal wave. It is the openness and width the ocean signifies. A space big enough for all her children to challenge, learn, and grow from each other. It is a nourishing blanket meant to revive the breath of every being who has sunk, but then has risen between the waves. A reclamation of power; the faith that she will carry us home again.”excerpt from performance piece Estamos Unidos


It is the openness and width the ocean signifies. A space big enough for all her children to challenge, learn, and grow from each other.


It has been a year since I left New Jersey to explore the healing terrain of the Pacific Northwest. Upon leaving on my cross-country drive I had pulled a card from my first tarot deck for what Seattle would bring me- Balance.


Instantly spirit spoke to me- Balance is in all things in life.


Balance is the contradictory-the wanting and the denying, push and pull, right and left, black and white.


Balance is the complementary- the ground to the sky, fire to water, bitter to sweet, pain to beauty.


Balance is the connection- the heavens to earth, spirit to human, life to death, opening to closing.


Balance is the concept- the middle-ground to both ends, the individual within the community, the acceptance of multiple truths, the beginning after the end.


Balance is learning how to truly give and how to truly receive-both which beckons one to open themselves to the plethora of possibilities the universe must offer.


One major area I am actively working on achieving balance is motherhood and fatherhood.


Motherhood being the divine feminine essence we all contain and fatherhood being the masculine energy within us all. I am aiming to achieve the perfect balance within myself.


In many spiritual practices-the feminine is viewed as dark and the masculine as light. My work in achieving balance through motherhood and fatherhood is ultimately to achieve balance in being- to become a being of light.


As a person who did not have the privilege to be parented, I am reinventing what it means to mother and father myself. I am relearning ways my being loves to be nurtured, nourished, and cared for. I am retrieving ancient knowledge of what my being needs to feel protected, safe, and preserved.


This past weekend I spent my time in Portland, Oregon. The last time I was there I was brought to a spiritual bookstore which had many different tarot decks. The Tarot Deck of the Orisha is what called out to me. However, my intuition told me it was not the time and to purchase it if it was there the next time.


I found the deck at the exact bookshelf it was the first time. I grabbed it and took a seat on a wooden bench nearby as I became distracted with a book. I was reading about an encounter with an Egyptian deity when an elderly white woman confronted me.


“I need to ask you a question” she said, “If you were my son would you enjoy this gift for your birthday?”


I grimaced and chuckled to myself by her assumption of my gender as she pulled out a cheesy, but cute, birthday card stating how special it was that he was her son.


“It’s cute. Totally get it for him” I replied politely.


“Really, would you like this if your mother got this for you?” she responded skeptically


“I would be grateful if my mother got me anything” I simply replied.


Once the comment left my mouth I saw a beam of light shoot into her. Spirit was embodying her.


“That’s a pity, you seem like a really nice…person.” She genuinely said with a slight hesitation as she carefully chose new language.


I thanked her and continued to read my book, but a few seconds later she returned.


“I want you to pick something from this store and I am going to purchase it for you.”


With the way, the words left her mouth, she was not going to take “no” for an answer. I told her she really didn’t have to because the deck was pricey, but she told me she was meant to gift me the deck. That comment shifted my spirit to the realization of how important this deck is going to be for my spiritual development. My soul then moved when she spoke:


“I’m sure your mother wants to give you so many things, but she isn’t in the position, or have the ability to do so”


Balance is a mother’s love washing over long forgotten wounds. It is the stirring of a heart defrosting; the warmth of a stranger’s hand.

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